Enchanted

Poor James Marsden. As I mentioned in the Hairspray review, he seems to have become the go-to “the other guy” in many big screen love triangles. But, really, if you’ve gotta be the third wheel, you can’t pick your love triangles better than Marsden (ah, mixed metaphors, gotta luv ‘em).

As Cyclops, he blindly (sorry) fought for Jean Gray against Hugh Jackman’s bad boy Wolverine in the X-Men films (and Wolverine also got the spin-off, ouch). He was the guy who tried to keep Rachel McAdams for himself in the epic weepy The Notebook – but was naturally no match for Ryan Gosling in a rain storm. And finally, he even went up again the Man of Steel himself for Lois Lane’s heart – now that’s nerve – in Superman Returns.

The man just has no luck in the romance department – but as they might say, unlucky in love, lucky at the box office. X-Men, The Notebook, Superman Returns, and also Hairspray (in which he simply didn’t have a love interest at all) weren’t exactly box office duds. And his new film, Disney’s Enchanted, raked in $49.1 million over the Thanksgiving weekend, attaining the comfortable height of second-highest Thanksgiving gross behind Toy Story 2, according to Box Office Mojo.

In Enchanted, Marsden actually plays Prince Charming himself and he still can’t get the girl (trust me, I’m not giving anything away here – did you really think McDreamy wasn’t the main love interest?). Nevertheless, he throws himself into the over the top role with abandon, as he always does, rounding out a very aesthetically pleasing cast that is clearly having fun in this enjoyable film.

In the movie, Amy Adams (Junebug, Catch Me If You Can, that handbag girl on The Office) plays Giselle, a literal fairy tale princess in the animated land of Andalasia (not quite as catchy as Never Never Land, but okay). Think the world of Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella, but not taking itself very seriously, and also kind of slow, and you’ve got the gist of the first ten minutes or so of the film. Seconds before her wedding to Prince Charming (Marsden), Giselle is cast out of Andalasia by – who else? – her soon-to-be stepmother (Susan Sarandon), who just happens to also be a Snow White-esque evil witch with an unhealthy apple obsession.

Popping out of a manhole in the middle of NYC’s Times Square, but with her sparkling white wedding dress fully intact (it’s a grimeless manhole, apparently), a now real life Giselle eventually falls, again literally, into the arms of the anti-Prince Charming, a divorce lawyer and single dad played by Grey’s Anatomy’s Patrick Dempsey. Meanwhile, Prince Charming, along with one of the queen’s sycophants and Giselle’s squirrel pal, try to find Giselle in the real world. Many culture clashes ensue. West meets… well, further West, if you want to take Tolkien’s view of things. Or the other side of a magical wormhole, if you believe the film’s.

My boyfriend, a big foodie, often says that the best way to judge a restaurant is to see if it “accomplishes well what it sets out to do.” You can’t compare a neighborhood pizza joint to a four-star restaurant (or three-star, if you’re going the Michelin route), because clearly the pizza joint is not aiming for the same goal. The same holds true for Enchanted - it’s obviously not The English Patient, but it never set out to be. It’s not Beauty and the Beast either, but I, for one, did not expect it to be.

It’s light, fun, and it’s got some good chuckles (Dempsey’s daughter tells Giselle that boys only want one thing, but then isn’t sure what that one thing is; the queen’s servant tries to get Giselle to drink a poisoned apple martini). Plus, the music ain’t bad. They even got Disney music guru Alan Menken (Beauty and the Beast, The Little Mermaid, Aladdin) to compose it.

Like any solid, middle-of-the-road romantic comedy, there are some unfortunate misses and some awkward, doesn’t quite work moments. Sure, having cockroaches and rats help Giselle clean up an apartment is clever – those are the kinds of animals available in NY, get it? no cuddly deer and bunnies there – but watching rats pour into a room is a lot less icky in Pixar animation. Nevertheless, it’s good, guilty pleasure entertainment. If you don’t come expecting Disney to make a sharp satire of itself, or definitely not a new Who Framed Roger Rabbit? for that matter, you won’t be disappointed. If you come looking for a fun, harmless, gentle (and feminist-ically modern! …or so it hopes to be anyway) romantic comedy, you’ll leave happy.

For you Wicked fans, look for Idina Menzel (the play’s original Wicked Witch), who looks a bit unsure of herself in her role as Dempsey’s “strong professional” girlfriend. And for any Bones fans out there, watch out for a seriously underutilized Michaela Conlin in a brief, probably no more than five second appearance at the end of the film. One can only hope her scenes were cut for time.

No Country for Old Men

The first thing you notice is the quiet. You forget how crucial, how instrumental (pun, I admit it, intended) a movie’s score is, until you barely hear one. Would Jaws have been nearly as scary without those thumping beats? Is Darth Vader as imposing and intimidating without John Williams’s triumphant, lordly intro?

Thrillers and horror in particular make use of music’s impact – telling you when to feel worried (that crescendo of anticipatory sound), and when to realize it’s over through the film’s score. In fact, the only silence you usually get in these film genres is that heartbeat before something attacks, the crescendo and then the hush before the blow.

Yes, the Coen brothers’ No Country for Old Men does have a score – it says so in the credits (and it’s apparently composed by Carter Burwell, a Coen staple) – but I can’t for the life of me think where it was. Fortunately for my sanity, I’m not the only one; The New Yorker calls the score “little more than a fitful murmur.”

The lack of sound does something both freeing and frightfully disturbing: it makes you feel for yourself. The score doesn’t tell you when the implacable, psychopathic killer Anton Chigurh (a darkly humorous and impassive, walking undead Javier Bardem, with that now infamous head of hair) is going to attack – there is no build up, no musical signals to warn you about what is going to happen. Just like Chigurh’s odes to Two-Face (he too sometimes flips a coin to decide a victim’s fate), just like life, the musical score, or lack thereof, lets you feel the full impact of randomness, helplessness, and the petrifying nature of an unknown future, whether that future is one second or one lifetime away.

The score also has an accomplice in No Country’s dialogue and cinematography. There is no real shouting, no screaming for blood or mercy. Lots of grunting though, accompanied by some knowing smiles and measured talk. There are also barely any camera shots that anticipate what’s going to happen, no panning out to show you that there is probably something or someone lurking just out of sight, in that dark corner of the garage. It shows you what’s happening, the faces of the people involved and the lifeless, stretching scenery around them, and that’s about it. What comes, comes.

And that’s the soul of this disquieting (sorry, just couldn’t stop myself) adaptation of Cormac McCarthy’s critically acclaimed novel of the same name. It’s quiet, deliberate, direct, unflinching; an unguided tour of flat, dispassionate reality. Well, almost unguided, anyway. The closest thing you get to a guide is the sheriff, played with deep sadness and one eyebrow raised by Tommy Lee Jones. But even as he narrates portions of the tale, the sheriff, on the trail of Chigurh and that killer’s own target Llewelyn Moss (Josh Brolin), doesn’t know what’s coming any more than you do. As he himself says, he’s “outmatched.”

The story of a man, Moss, who stumbles across a drug deal gone bad (it’s so bad even the dog is dead) and thinks he can get away with its left-behind spoils of 2 million bucks, No Country coolly states that this is the way things are, or can be, take it or leave it. As Moss runs from Chigurh’s relentless hired killer, you sometimes think he’s in (way) over his head, but sometimes not. You are sometimes sure Chigurh is going to attack with that cattle gun, and sometimes not. You sometimes think Moss and his wife Carla Jean (Kelly MacDonald) will maybe, just maybe get to enjoy the money in the end, but often not. It’s bleak, but it’s not apologetic. It just is.

Which is why the appearance of Woody Harrelson’s cocky hired gun (Carson Wells) in a sleek, big city office, sitting before Stephen Root’s sleek, big city desk (he probably has 50 red staplers in there) seems so out of place. Wait, is this a movie again? Nothing against Woody, or certainly cult fave Root as a drug businessman, but their polished Hollywood demeanor, with Woody’s cool drawl, feels like a whole different movie. From the silent tumbleweeds of reality to the glossy halls of a Hollywood drug man is a bit of an unsettling leap for this darkly murmuring film.

Holiday Gift Guide 2007: the movie edition

By now, you’ve probably seen at least several hundred of these (I could be exaggerating – but sadly, or disturbingly, I don’t think so). But hey, what’s one more to add to the pile?

See, I like to wait until the web is totally oversaturated with exactly the same content to publish my own contribution to the excess. Or for the precise moment when many people don’t even want to think about shopping for a whole ‘nother week after spending six hours standing outside of Best Buy in the wee hours of the morning after Thanksgiving (you know who you are) – and then walking home, uphill, hopefully in the snow. In any case, I find it much more thrillingly extraneous that way. Or so I tell myself.

With that said, here are some of my own recommendations for what to get that incurable movie fanatic you know and love. I mean, there’s bound to be at least one in every family, right? Or am I just writing my own holiday wish list? Well, either way – hopefully my family is paying attention…

(all prices are retail, and thus pre-any sort of discount, such as the standard Amazon deductions)

Stocking stuffers

Or gifts for the other seven nights. Or, well, whatever the case may be. You get the idea.

Pure fun miscellany – If you’re in New York, buy a can of EVIL, some powdered antimatter and other superhero stuff at the Brooklyn Superhero Supply Store. If you’re in San Francisco, buy pirate goodies at the Pirate Supply Store. Seattle: space travel necessities at the Greenwood Space Travel Supply Co. LA or Ann Arbor: time travel essentials (Echo Park Time Travel Mart) and monsters-in-your-closet supplies (The International Monsters Union) respectively.

Sound far-fetched? Fortunately for kids at heart everywhere (and, of course, actual kids), it’s not! For more information on these real life stores, click here.

Gift cards - If you don’t live in any of these cities, or don’t have easy access to one of them, there are, of course, many alternatives.

A Netflix gift subscription is always a fun option (and addictive, I’m on my, um, 23rd month or so past the three I originally got as a gift), and a gift certificate for a movie theater chain is easy, affordable and flexible. Almost all movie theaters have them, even the most staunchly independent ones. With ticket prices soaring to $11 (and no matinees) in cities like New York, and that’s not including the $4.50 small popcorn, your friend or family member will thank you.

And of course, finally, an iTunes gift certificate will let them download their favorite movies onto that new iPod nano you caved in and got them.

The book Cinescopes: what your favorite movies reveal about you – One of those “laugh over after opening and then forget” presents (we’ve all gotten them), it’s nonetheless the type of gift we all need during holiday bonding time with the family. $14.95 at Kitson.

DVDs – Basic, yes, but certainly not the easy way out. Individual DVDs are the fun, simple item that many people want but don’t want to actually spend the extra cash on to get themselves. I mean, really, you’re doing them a favor.

Solid

Candy Princess Kit – If you just can’t deal with one more Disney Princesses toy in your home, but someone you know is desperate for something royal after seeing Enchanted, try this fun gift basket ($50) from the famous Willy Wonka-esque candy store, Dylan’s Candy Bar. Sure, you won’t be able to drag the recipient from the walls, but most of it will probably be gone by the next morning. It includes pretty much everything you could ever think of that involves a Disney princess and sugar.

Film journal - I think we can all agree that no one actually uses these, apart from that diligently filled out first entry, of course. But if you have a Phoebe Cates fan on your list, you can cleverly point out that this elegant film journal ($45.00) came from her boutique in New York. That’s practically 3 degrees of separation!

Books and graphic novels – Sure, books that have recently been turned into films make great gifts, but if you understandably want to avoid the “Oh… Great… A book… Thanks…” response, check out these bound alternatives.

Stardust - The fairy tale (but not, I repeat not, with Disney’s G-rated fairies) graphic novel on which the Claire Danes, Robert DeNiro and Michelle Pfeiffer special effects flight of fancy is based.

300 – Before it was an ultraviolent, testerone-fueled box office heavyweight, it was an ultraviolent, testerone-fueled graphic novel about the historic battle of Thermopylae in ancient Greece (it’s almost an educational book, really…). Other novels by Hollywood golden boy Frank Miller that have been adapted into film: Sin City and The Dark Knight Returns (not directly, but still very influential; see Tim Burton’s Batman)

Scott Pilgrim – Get a jump start on this 2009 film by reading the indie graphic novel on which it’s based. A boy must fight off his new girlfriend’s 7 evil exes – tongue-in-cheek, martial arts video game style. Vol. 4 just came out, but for you newbies, start with – what else? – Vol. 1.

Pretty much anything by Alan Moore – Disgruntled Hollywood golden boy Moore has written the graphic novels that inspired The League of Extraordinary Gentleman, V for Vendetta, From Hell, and the upcoming Watchmen (2009).

If books are in the cards, however, try these:

His Dark Materials – Controversy or not, these elegant, and at times emotionally wrenching, tales for young adults are a must for fantasy fans. The first book in this three volume series by Philip Pullman is the basis for the new Golden Compass epic film.

No Country for Old Men – It has certainly been Cormac McCarthy’s year. Between the Pulitzer and Oprah’s Book Club selection for his bleak The Road and the critical acclaim for the film adaptation of No Country’s disturbing tale, McCarthy is having a good holiday.

Beowulf – Lure them in with Angelina Jolie, keep them (for a time at least) with Seamus Heaney’s actually intelligible translation of the classic English poem. And no, this is not just my own revenge for having to read this in high school – after all, my class didn’t just read it. We had to listen to it read to us in Old English, with a lyre, for hours. Well, maybe I should take back that revenge comment…

Why not?

“Ultimate” DVD collections – They’re hefty, pricey and they’ve got that “cool, lots of stuff” factor. As a very early collector of the comics, I’m partial to the Superman Ultimate Collector’s Edition ($99.98 – but phew, not $100!), which comes with 14 discs (including the Richard Donner version of Superman II and loads of extras) and total non-portability.

But perhaps your gift recipient is a Bond fan? Check out the James Bond Ultimate Collector’s Set ($289.98) with its whopping 42 discs (Never Say Never Again and other “unofficials” not included).

As for me, I’m actually hoping for the collector’s set of Buffy the Vampire Slayer - was that too subtle of a hint? Mom?

Other “Ultimates”:
Blade Runner Five-Disc Ultimate Collector’s Edition ($78.92) comes in one of those super spy, I’m handcuffed to this, shiny metal briefcases. Ooo, shiny.
Essential Art House – 50 Years of Janus Films ($850) might break the bank, but with 50 discs, you get a huge slice of indie film history all in one place.

Portable DVD player – A bit of a classic but always a good choice. I got one of these (plus that Netflix subscription) one year for the holidays and it was the best day (almost better than a basket of mini-muffins – sorry, in an oblique references to Friends mood) … Ah, materialism. For one that will last you beyond the next year’s holiday season, expect to pay about $150 and up.

Movie magazine subscription – Something they will literally enjoy (or at least receive) for a year. They range from mainstream (Entertainment Weekly) to humorously British (my favorite, Empire) to Hollywood (Variety). Depending on seasonal offers, a year’s subscription can run anywhere from about $20-40 (EW) to over $150 (international subscribers to Empire). For more film magazine options, click here.

Video editing software – For the aspiring filmmaker. Expect to pay around $70-$100 (from what I can tell). For help picking the right one (who can tell them all apart? capability to do what exactly?), if your budding director hasn’t given you very specific requests, go here for PC Mag’s detailed guide to buying video editing software.

The holidays only come once a year… right?

Maya and RenderMan – If you know someone who is really (really, really) into 3D animation – like, “Pixar or bust” into animation – then they are probably drooling over these computer programs, if they don’t have them already. Autodesk’s Maya software, “the current king-of-the-hill in high-end 3D animation software” (according to 3DRender.com), is the program to beat, and since you can’t get more name-brand than Pixar, throw the 3D animation king’s own rendering software into the mix as well with their RenderMan for Maya product.

Of course, you get what you pay for, and sadly, you will pay for these products: at about $4,000 and $1,000 respectively, these pricey animation gifts clearly eliminate any need for additional stocking stuffers – or any gifts for the next 10 years, for that matter.

James Bond accessories – Sure, that Ultimate DVD set is nice and all, but why just watch Bond when you can look like him? Check out Bond Lifestyle to find the stuff that the movie spy and his associates actually use and wear. Items range from the Omega watch seen in Casino Royale (about $2,500) to Brioni suits ($5,000-ish) to a sterling silver Aston Martin keychain (approx. $400).

The site also includes a list of the watches worn in the 007 films. They probably won’t shoot darts or help unzip a dress (not literally anyway), but nothing’s perfect. For a history of Bond watches, click here.

That Ferrari you’ve always wanted

Now that winning a part in a Will Ferrell movie is off the market, what gifts are there for a movie lover to dream about – or actually purchase, for those ridiculously wealthy people out there (any lottery ticket now!)?

Design your own Star Trek apartment – Although the original sold for over $800,000, get your own room, house or apartment transformed into an insanely authentic replica of the Star Trek starship by the guy who built it. No joke – if you haven’t seen pictures of what this guy did to his apartment, click here now to visit his official “24th Century Interior Design” website.

Orson Welles’s Citizen Kane Oscar – On December 11th, Sotheby’s is auctioning off the only Oscar that this über-acclaimed flick ever won (believe it or not): Best Writing, Original Screenplay. The Oscar was shared by Welles and Herman Mankiewicz. It’s expected to fetch around $1 million, but $800,000 at the very least. Steep, you say? Well, there’s nothing like literally holding Oscar glory in the palm of your hand. Or at least, Sotheby’s hopes so.

Home movie theater – Sure, that 60″ flat screen is nice, but really, it’s got nothing on a full-on luxury movie theater in your own home. In the US, companies like Gramophone, Sound Image and New England’s Home Entertainment Expo will design you a seriously jealousy-enducing home theater. Think huge leather chairs, fully integrated sound system, paneled walls, high definition lowered screen, and those essential movie curtain drapes. MTV Cribs will be knocking down your door within weeks – if they aren’t busy with those Star Trek-inspired homes of course.

If you don’t want to go quite this far, check out about.com’s list of movie theater accessories (from a projection screen to a vintage popcorn maker – nothing like the smell of popcorn throughout your entire house to make you feel that the expense was totally worth it).

Or go for the sleek accent look and purchase these stage / movie – style polished steel light fixtures from NY boutique staple, Mxyplyzyk (yep, named after that dimensional Superman villain, and it’s pronounced mix-ee-pliz-ik according to the store).

** For more similar, exactly the same and not so similar gift suggestions for movie fans, see Jenny Lauck’s thoughtful list. Also check out Moviefone’s gift guide. It’s a lot less practical than Lauck’s (think “Dumbledore gay pride” t-shirts), but, as a result, great eye candy and perfect fodder for internet procrastination. I know I at least am definitely getting that voice-changing Optimus Prime helmet for a, um, friend.

Become an “Enchanted” Disney character

Jumping on the Simpsons bandwagon, Disney has developed its own site for animated avatar creation – promising to turn your face into that of a character from the new film Enchanted or certain other Disney classics (such as Cinderella or Ariel from The Little Mermaid).

Sadly, for a company so famous for its animation classics (and for, well, how tightly controlled it is regarding uses of those classics), this site is, surprisingly, poorly executed. Less Simpsonize Me and more the Exorcist version of sticking your head through one of those cardboard cutouts at a fair.

And unfortunately, no, I’m not really exaggerating about that whole Exorcist thing. The program contorts the face from your submitted photo into various expressions, ranging from “evil” to “wink,” all while your head rotates creepily from side to side – cool idea in theory, I suppose, seriously disturbing in execution.

Plus, the steps it takes to actually get to the program are a bit mind-boggling for a movie geared towards (I’m just going to hazard a guess here and say…) children, or at the very least young adults and tweens, with that PG rating.

Here’s a general overview of what you have to do (for a PC user):

1. Go to www.enchanted3dhead.com and click on “Start.”
2. Give your name, email address, gender, and whether you’re an adult or child. Click “Submit.”
3. Upload a photo and click “Enchant Me!”
   
4. The site will then tell you that your photo has been submitted and that you will receive an email confirmation with a “link to your personalized download.” It says it might take a while; I’ve found it to be just a few minutes in general.
5. Click on the link in the email. It will take you back to the original site where you select whether you have a MAC or PC.
6. Download the file that it presents to you.
7. Unzip, yes unzip, the downloaded file and save it to your computer.
   
8. Open the file “Click Here to Start.” (You will see several other files, just ignore them)
9. Read the instructions.
10. See your face cut out from the submitted photo. Be warned: it moves. Choose from six different hairstyles, accessories, and faces. Faces, you say? But didn’t you already submit your own face? Best not to ask. Let’s just say that the placement of hand drawn eyebrows on your photo is involved. And it is worth mentioning that of the six “faces” available, five are male (Pinocchio, Peter Pan, etc.) – go figure.
11. Go to the “Enchanted Photo Booth” to see your face distorted into different expressions of your own choosing.Or see your face transformed step by step from cut-out photo + 2D hair to animated Disney character. Take that as literally as humanly possible – in other words, you will not see a Cinderella version of you after the transformation, but instead just Cinderella.

Phew! Well, that was worth it…

Thanksgiving movie menu

Between the family infighting, the poor excuses for cooked turkey and the endless hours of golf discussions (that last one could just be my family…), let’s admit it, Thanksgiving can be tough to take sometimes, or at the very least a little overwhelming. Sure, you want to spend some good, quality time with Aunt Jaimie, but isn’t a few minutes enough?

Not to mention that classic Thanksgiving pastime: forcing everyone to watch holiday TV “specials,” also known as The Wizard of Oz with overexcited cousins for the 50th time and counting. Nothing against that time-honored film, of course, but after a while, enough is enough. Not even the strongest can survive a family get-together, underwhelming cooking and back-to-back showings of The Wizard all in one.

So here are some fun suggestions for your own type of holiday menu – a true meal for before, after, or even during (only the very brave need apply) the festivities themselves.

Appetizer

Amélie - To put you in that light-hearted, forgiving, “let’s help other people!” mood that you’re going to need for an afternoon and evening of family politics. And to put the wonderful taste of crackling, melted, crème brulée sugar in your mouth – you know, as a sort of buffer against what’s to come…

Entrée (2 options)

Meet the Parents – Humor born out of desperation and tactless behavior all rolled into one. Yep, it’s definitely dinner time. And, of course, unlike any Thanksgiving I’ve ever heard of… Enjoy that extra helping of family disapproval!

Mean Girls – A sort of cleansing, cathartic, just let it all out experience for when the, uh, stuffing really starts flying. They can get revenge so you don’t feel the need to have to.

Side dish

A very special Thanksgiving episode – A quick, painless distraction from the main meal. Your favorite TV show must have at least one of them. Here are some excellent suggestions that span decades – I certainly can’t disagree with the trifle gone very, very wrong episode of Friends and the “I can slay and give thanks!” Buffy choice, at least.

Dessert

Ratatouille - Now that you’ve let it all out (and eaten most of the food, so a film about rats is more of a safe bet), time to bury your sorrows in sugar and butter. It’s gorgeous, it’s fun, it’s animated, and it’s even got cheese. The perfect, delectable end to a hopefully short evening.

Drinks (‘cuz god knows you’re gonna need ‘em)

Old School – Unleash your inner college student (or soon-to-be, or currently are, or whatever the case may be) and embrace denial and total oblivion from the real world. Just to clarify: I am not advocating lots of heavy drinking here, but rather watching this film to get the same result, but better! (no hangover, see?)

(Alternative tasting menu for the less humor inclined: go to New York Magazine’s “Pre-Holiday Guide to Downer Films.” I have serious chart envy over this post.)

New York movies and video games

According to The Gothamist, a new and improved Ghostbusters video game from Vivendi’s Sierra will be coming to stores in Fall ‘08 with appearances from all four main characters and some supporting characters.

Of course, this clearly begs the question, as the Gothamist puts it, “Which other New York-centric films should be made interactive?” Yes, I Am Legend (trailer with potential alert!) and that mystery with a capital M Cloverfield movie aren’t bad ideas, as they say. But the real mystery is why no one has ever mined the true heart of New York filmmaking: romantic comedies.

Appealing to both girls and, well, women, this somewhat Sims-esque game could take you through the crazy perils of romantic dating on the New York big screen. No, you say? But think of the possibilities:

Girls could choose between playing omega threat Meg Ryan and, uh, everyone else – such as Diane Keaton, Sarah Jessica Parker, Audrey Hepburn, and Deborah Kerr, with possible alternates Kate Beckinsale and Kate Hudson. They would have to decide whether to dump, hate, ignore, pine after, gossip to their friends about, cheat on, semi-stalk, toy with, and write love letters, emails or post-its to men like Tom Hanks, Woody Allen, Chris Noth, and potentially John Cusack and Matthew McConaughey. Not forgetting one to-be-determined classic male actor (Cary Grant or George Peppard? Or both?).

And it would all take place through gorgeous New York backdrops like the Upper West and East Sides (because what other neighborhoods are there in romantic comedies?), Central Park, the Empire State Building, and an exciting and dangerous, in a rescue – me – with – your – BMW sort of way, encounter with Times Square.

The goal would, naturally, be marriage (what else in a romcom?), or at least some sort of long-term commitment that you assume is going somewhere.

Yep. Any day now.

(or clearly I need the holidays to get here sooner… probably the latter)

Quotes – The Birdcage

A staple of my family’s collection when I was a teen, I find much of this movie extremely hilarious, perhaps more so than is normal (or so my friends tell me, anyway). This Robin Williams / Nathan Lane take on La Cage aux Folles was by no means universally liked (78% critics rating on Rotten Tomatoes), but all I can say is that I find certain lines very, very funny and addictively quotable. Perhaps it’s nostalgia for where I grew up, or nostalgia for Robin Williams back when (remember those days?), or just my own sense of humor, but whatever the reason, I often turn to this film on a rainy day (yes, literally and figuratively). It must have something to do with Hank Azaria’s – sorry, Agador Spartcus’s – “natural heat”…

Here are some of my favorite lines:

[when asked about a football game] How do you think I feel? Betrayed, bewildered… [pause] Wrong response?

So this is Hell. And there’s a crucifix in it.

One does want a hint of a color.

I made you short?

- All right, I’ll bite, where are you going?
- To Los Copa.
- Los Copa? There’s nothing in Los Copa but a cemetery.
- I know, that’s why I’m packing light.
- Oh I see. You’re going to a cemetery… with your toothbrush. How Egyptian.

- What are you doing?
- What?
- Why are you giving him drugs? What the h*** are pirin tablets?
- It’s aspirin with the “a” and the “s” scraped off.
- My God, what a brilliant idea.
- I know.

- Who put Playboy in the bathroom?
- It’s what they read.
- Don’t add! Just subtract!

- No good?
- Actually, it’s perfect. I just never realized John Wayne walked like that.

For more quotes, go to IMDB. For Entertainment Weekly’s look at “funny film dads” Armand and Albert Goldman (remember, the “d” is silent), click here.

The weirdest villains in film

In a recent review for the film American Gangster, the LA Times included a fun little photo gallery of what they considered “more unusual choices for organized crime bosses.” Their picks include Jabba the Hut (can’t argue with them there…) and Don Lino (aka, the voice of Robert DeNiro) in the animated Shark Tale.

And while that’s fun and all, what about those other outcasts from the population of ne’er-do-wells whose chosen occupations sadly don’t fall into the realm of organized crime? Shouldn’t they get their say as well?

Here, then, are some of my favorite villainous oddballs:

WARNING: some contain SPOILERS (read with care…)

Bowler Hat Guy (Meet the Robinsons) – Something about those spindly legs just really creeps me out and to top it all off, the true villain is the mechanical bowler hat itself (uh huh, a bowler hat) that’s telling him what to do. Ick.

Yzma and Kronk (Emperor’s New Groove) – The first looks like some sort of waspish spider and has a weird thing for llamas. The second is a sidekick who hums his own theme song and happily cooks spinach puffs right in the middle of an evil plot. And when Yzma cackles evilly as a cute little kitten? Priceless.

The Penguin (Batman Returns) – Okay, true, in Batman, Jack Nicholson’s The Joker is mighty odd and, yes, totally insane. But he’s got a kind of sense of humor (in a creepy way) and, well… it’s Jack Nicholson. He’s his own kind of weird. In any case, unlike the Penguin in the original comics who was rather cool-headed, refined and quite intelligent, the Penguin in Batman Returns is, as the Wikipedia entry puts it, “a physically deformed, sadistic, megalomaniacal monster.” Plus, he hangs around with penguins all the time. Literally. I think that qualifies him.

The Wicked Witch of the West (Wizard of Oz) – She melts and her henchmen are flying monkeys. Enough said.

The Claw (Toy Story) – Who knew the fun selector of children’s stuffed animals could be such a bizarre nightmarish creature? Not forgetting of course that The Claw is also a completely emotionless cult leader who gets his brainwashed followers to chant “The Claw is our master. The claw chooses who will go and who will stay.” And leads them to believe that being “chosen” will take them to “a better place.” Scary, scary stuff.

HAL 9000 (2001: A Space Odyssey) – As an artificial intelligence, this decidedly creepy villain is nothing but a voice and an oddly pulsating red glow. And really, there isn’t much that is scarier and more goosebumpily bizarre than a villain who never, ever raises his voice.

The Emperor (Star Wars) – Why is it that the names of many evil villains begin with a definite article? I suppose we’ll never really know, but I think it’s clear that this villain at least certainly deserves to have a name that begins with an emphatic “the.” With his ghoulish voice and eerie cackle, not to mention that blue lightning thing he can do with his hands, the Emperor is both evil and just plain strange. Darth Vader has got that cool strong man / deep voice in black metal vibe going on, but the Emperor has an omnipresent cowl and cooky sense of humor. He wins.

Assorted Amélie villains (Amélie / Le Fabuleux Destin d’Amélie Poulain) – Perhaps not villains per se, if you want to get technical, but they are all weird and/or mysteriously odd people. So I think they should get their chance too. First, there’s the almost (okay, total) stalker guy from the café who records everything his ex-girlfriend says or does. Then, there’s the obnoxious and cruel grocer who delights in tormenting the boy who works for him and always calls Amélie “Amélie-melo.” And finally, there’s the ghost / possible obsessive picture taker whose eerie mystery haunts the film. Quite the goldmine of weird scoundrels, n’est-ce pas?

No Face (Spirited Away) – Half leprechaun, half “The Blob,” this gold-giving masked spirit vies (successfully, in my opinion) with the witch Yubaba for the title of baddest, largest, most complex, and just downright crazy villain in this spooky Japanese fairy tale.

The Cat King (The Cat Returns) – Pretty much demented, yet still a powerful ruler over, uh, cats, this rotund monarch has “I am CRAZY” eyes, static-style hair and calls the heroine “babe.” And he throws unfortunate palace performers out the window when they can’t make his guest smile. Weird and psychopathic – a winning combination for this list.

Lord Voldemort (pretty much any Harry Potter film) – Let’s recap, shall we? In the first film, he was a face on the back of someone’s head. In the second film, he was a ghost from a diary. In the third film, um… Okay, well, in the fourth film, he was a seriously creepy baby-like creature who transformed out of a boiling cauldron into a noseless man. In the fifth film and (I’m assuming) on, he’s that same snakelike, pasty-faced, noseless man. Yep, I think I’ve made my point…

Dr. Evil (Austin Powers) – This is a bit of a given. And with a medical degree in Evil, he’s earned it.

Honorable mentions: Stay Puft (Ghostbusters), the Black Knight and the Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog (Monty Python and the Holy Grail), coat hanger aficionado Toht (Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark), and potentially Grendel’s mother (the animated Angelina Jolie) in the upcoming Beowulf.

Movie quotes in everyday conversation

A British website recently came out with a survey asking people which quotes they most commonly use in everyday conversation. Probably not surprisingly, “I’ll be back” (I don’t need to say where it’s from do I?) came in first. Of course, this begs the question, do people actually say the Schwarzeneggerian version (you know, more like “Ah’ll be bahck”) or just the phrase itself, which, let’s admit, is quite a common expression that doesn’t always have Terminator connotations?

Personally, I prefer “I’ll be right back” (said ominously, naturally), it gives the moment more of a Scream-esque feeling and really, makes those you’re speaking to a lot more interested in seeing you come back.

I can also certainly understand “You talking to me?” (Number 4, from Taxi Driver) and “Life is like a box of chocolates” (Number 5, Forrest Gump). Not hard to fit a simple response and life metaphor into our daily lives.

But “Nobody puts Baby in a corner”? (Number 10) I have to ask, does that really come up in everyday conversation? Perhaps my life is just very unexciting (and that’s not so unlikely), but I can’t say I’ve come across many, or really any, scenarios where that quote is appropriate. Not that I haven’t heard that phrase quoted before, but usually in a what’s-that-quote-again or let’s-share-fond-chick-flick-memories context.

Of course, this is coming from someone who probably most often quotes Jafar from Aladdin (Patience, Iago, patience), with a dose of Albert from The Birdcage (How do you think I feel? Betrayed, bewildered…) and Mystery Science Theater 3000 (Leaves only the fresh scent of pine), so who am I to talk?

Oh, and “Bewaaare the groooove…” That’s applicable to so many life situations, really. I also like “only mostly dead” but (well, fortunately) that doesn’t come up that often in conversation.

Quotes – The Emperor’s New Groove

This much underappreciated film is an animated comedy classic that, in my opinion, deserves to rank among Disney’s best. Yes, it doesn’t have princesses, lions, songs, or even a love interest (although isn’t the lack of that nice from time to time?), but it does have a murderous witch queen, an evil curse and jaguars! Close enough, I think. Plus, it includes that ever more popular “child + adult” humor mix – in a film released before that became really overdone.

Understandably, David Spade as the voice of an “Incan” emperor named Kuzco who has been transformed into a llama – yes, a llama – probably doesn’t sound like a winner, but the dryly sarcastic comedian does a pitch-perfect job. And in any case, the real stars here are Eartha Kitt as the evil queen Yzma (okay, she’s actually an empress) and the hilarious, as always, Patrick Warburton (aka, David Puddy) as her – how to put this delicately? – dim sidekick / arm candy Kronk. Just goes to show that playing the villain in an animated film really is a seriously fun job.

Here are some of my favorite quotes from The Emperor’s New Groove:

Yzma

I’ll turn him into a flea. A harmless little flea. And I’ll put that flea in a box. And then I’ll put that box in another box. Then I’ll mail that box to myself, and when it arrives, [evil laughter] I’ll smash it with a hammer! It’s brilliant, brilliant, brilliant, I tell you! Genius, I say! [a potion is knocked over onto a plant, plant dies] Or, to save on postage, I’ll just poison him with this!

Loooking for thisss? [holds up potion, then realizes she's turned into a cute little cat with a small, squeaky voice] Is that my voice? Is that my voice?… Ah well.

[said angrily, as she's smashing Kuzco-shaped stone heads placed in front of her by Kronk]
Who does that ungrateful little worm think he is? Does he… a little to the left… have any idea who he’s dealing with?

YZMA: It is no concern of mine whether your family has – what was it again?
PEASANT: Um, food?
YZMA: Ha! You should have really thought of that before you became peasants!

KUZCO: Okay, I admit it. Maybe I wasn’t as nice as I should have been. But, Yzma, do you really want to kill me?
YZMA: Just think of it as you’re being let go, that your life’s going in a different direction, that your body’s part of a permanent outplacement.

YZMA: And do you want to know something else? I’ve never liked your spinach puffs. Never!
[gasps from Kronk and his shoulder devil and angel]
SHOULDER DEVIL: That’s it. She’s goin’ down. ["cocks" pitchfork]

Kronk

Oh, they’re so easy to make. I’ll get you the recipe.

Said I was sorry. Can’t just let it go, not even on your birthday.

KRONK: Oh, right. The poison. The poison for Kuzco, the poison chosen especially to kill Kuzco, Kuzco’s poison. That poison?
YZMA: Yes! That poison!
KRONK: Got you covered.
YZMA: Excellent. A few drops in his drink, and then I’ll propose a toast, and he will be dead before dessert.
KRONK: Which is a real shame, because it’s gonna be delicious.

Kuzco

[about Yzma] Whoa! Look at those wrinkles. What is holding this woman together? What the… [shot of spinach in Yzma's teeth] How long has that been there?

He’s doing his own theme music?
[as Kronk hums a Mission: Impossible-esque tune, badly, while sneaking around the city]

KUZCO: [sing-songy] Soooo… whoooo’s in my chaaaair?
KRONK: Oh, oh! I know! Yzma! Yzma’s in your chair, right?!
KUZKO: [as if to a child] Very good, Kronk! Here. Get the snack!
[Kronk dives after snack, and falls off platform]

Spunky old man

GUARD: [coolly] I’m sorry, but you’ve thrown off the emperor’s groove.
[old man who destroyed groove thrown out palace window]
OLD MAN: Soooorrrry!!! [as he falls]

[in spooky voice] Bewaaare the groooove.

Oh, it’s not the first time I was tossed out of a window, and it won’t be the last. What can I say? I’m a rebel.

Other

KRONK’S SHOULDER DEVIL: [to angel] Look at that guy! He’s got that sissy, stringy, music thing.
KRONK’S SHOULDER ANGEL: We’ve been through this. It’s a harp, and you know it.
DEVIL: Oh, right. That’s a harp, and that’s a dress.
ANGEL: Robe!

KID: You know, I don’t believe that you’re really my great aunt. You’re more like my great-great-great-great-great…
[it goes on for quite a while - or, according to IMDB, 23 "greats"]
YZMA: Are you through?
KID: … great aunt.

For more, see IMDB or Wikiquotes.

Click here for the New York Times review. And here for lots of pictures of the characters.

Green Lantern movie

Well, it’s about time! Apparently, finally, Warner Bros. is on the path to making a film about Green Lantern, one of the last old superheroes left to adapt on screen. The Hollywood Reporter recently, uh, reported that:

“Everwood” creator Greg Berlanti has signed a deal to co-write and direct a live-action adaptation of DC Comics’ superhero “Green Lantern” for Warner Bros.

Marc Guggenheim and Michael Green also are writing the script, with Donald De Line on board to produce.

So who are these Marc, Michael and Greg people? Well, Greg seems to be one of the go-to guys for television, having worked on – besides Everwood – Dawson’s Creek, Jack & Bobby, Dirty Sexy Money, and Brothers and Sisters. He also has a new drama coming soon to ABC called Eli Stone.

Marc has written for Marvel and DC Comics, as well as for TV (including, unfortunately, CSI: Miami…), and Michael has also written for TV (Heroes and Smallville – phew!) and, naturally, comics.

Of course, this is all assuming that any film and TV writers will ever write again… okay, yes, that’s a bit of a hyperbole, but still, here’s hoping the film’s production schedule is flexible!

Click here for some of Marc’s thoughts on the strike.

And no word on whether or not this will work in conjunction with the new Justice League of America movie, although the team behind that film doesn’t seem too keen on cross-promotion, considering their total non-interest in hiring Christian Bale or Brandon Routh (although potentially Tom Welling?).

The case for “Dial M for Murder”

It’s no secret that Alfred Hitchcock is the master of suspense. And really, anyone who can make a flock of birds, a shower, and even a bouquet of flowers absolutely terrifying, for many, many years, is clearly not someone to be trifled with. Of course, what Hitchcock is most known for is his complex, often dizzying, psychological thrills of horror (or at least some sort of terror), such as Psycho, Rear Window, or Vertigo - plus North by Northwest, certainly dizzying in its own right but not really “scary,” although it’s possible that some people may have nightmares about being chased in endless corn fields, I can’t really say.

Nevertheless, sometimes his other films get left behind, Dial M for Murder among them. Certainly a famous title, and yes, it was remade as (the critically disliked: 55% on Rotten Tomatoes – ouch!) A Perfect Murder in 1998, but not often listed among his true classics. In fact, upon its release, Variety said in a review that:

Dial M remains more of a filmed play [the movie is based on a stage play by Frederick Knott] than a motion picture, unfortunately revealed as a conversation piece about murder which talks up much more suspense than it actually delivers… There are a number of basic weaknesses in the setup that keep the picture from being a good suspense show for any but the most gullible.

If that is the case, then, well, I’m not afraid to admit that I do in fact believe that gullible isn’t in the dictionary, finding the film made up more of the “elegant coils of murder drama,” as the New York Times said in its 1954 review, than drooping waves of lackluster suspense.

In fact, in today’s Lost age of hyper-convoluted stories, and seriously overwhelming numbers of characters and plot lines (Wait, what happened in Syriana again? And I really have no idea what happened in The Number 23 – see Cracked’s article), it’s soothing, in a Zen sort of way, to watch a well-acted, well-thought out, basically bloodless, complicated but not labyrinthine, and just plain enjoyable movie of edge-of-your-seat suspense. Think Law and Order: Criminal Intent via Sherlock Holmes and Murder on the Orient Express, but with less detective and more murderer.

Taking place for the most part in just one apartment (it was based on a play after all), the film tells the story of, as I say in the Hitchcock cheat sheet:

[...an] ex-tennis player Tony Wendice (Ray Milland) and his extremely carefully planned plot to kill his wife, wealthy Margot Wendice (Grace Kelly), for her money and because of an old (now ended) affair with Mark Halliday (Robert Cummings). Of course, the best laid plans of mice and men…

And to be completely honest, I literally was on the edge of my seat during much of its hour and 45 minute run. My friends even started bouncing up and down in their chairs (whether or not they would admit it later on) in the excruciatingly anticipatory climax – where all the different moments and setups lock thrillingly into place. Like Ocean’s Eleven and The Sting, it has the very satisfying adrenaline rush from plans gone very well (and very awry). True, it’s not Ocean’s Eleven in the sense that there’s no glitz and glamor here (apart from Grace Kelly, of course, who brings, well, grace with her wherever she goes), no Las Vegas lights, and it’s all talk and not much dramatic action. But, as anyone can tell you who’s heard Verbal Kint speak, talk can be a powerful and riveting tool in the story of a criminal.

So if you like elegant murder mysteries with evolving dénouements, then get some popcorn now and watch one of Hitchcock’s best, without having to turn on all the lights.

As Hitchcock once famously said, “As you have seen on the screen, the best way to do it is with a scissor.”

(Trust me, that’ll be meaningful once you watch the film.)

Click here to go to CNN’s nice little “Celebration of Alfred Hitchcock” article. And here to go to the Alfred Hitchcock cheat sheet, which covers all of his classics.

Charlie Wilson’s War

What better (or, well, worse) way to commemorate the end of the first day of the writers’ strike than with a post on an upcoming movie? In, you know, the desperate hope of more new movies (and, of course, other entertainment – hang in there, The Daily Show!) to come, someday.

Plus, I had to write something about this buzzworthy Oscar contender before the phrases “Oscar contender” and “Oscar buzz(worthy)” became seriously annoying, and everywhere. Sadly, like those omnipresent Christmas decorations I already see going up in stores (did the new Daylight Saving Time skip us right past Thanksgiving?), it seems to be happening already.

What’s so Oscar contentious about Charlie Wilson’s War? Well, here’s my comprehensive (on a very, very small scale) explanation:

Plot

CIA. Congress. Back door politics. Covert operations in Afghanistan. But pre-9/11. Basically, think way back (20 some years!) to the days of the Cold War.

According to Coming Soon, the film is:

…the true story of how a playboy congressman, a renegade CIA agent and a beautiful Houston socialite joined forces to lead the largest and most successful covert operation in history. Their efforts contributed to the fall of the Soviet Union and the end of the Cold War, with consequences that reverberate throughout the world today.

Popular book

The film is based on the well-received, New York Times bestselling book Charlie Wilson’s War by the late George Crile, a CBS reporter and 60 minutes producer. And then there’s its subtitle – “The Extraordinary Story of How the Wildest Man in Congress and a Rogue CIA Agent Changed the History of Our Times” – which reeeeally goes all out with that length thing, and, hey, long titles are on the cutting edge of Hollywood blockbusters these days. Okay, to be honest, there’s basically just one other film with a long title, but that’s still something. And it starred Brad Pitt! (see: The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford)

Big screenwriter

The movie was written by Aaron Sorkin, the undisputed master of mile-a-minute, admittedly often incomprehensible dialogue (don’t tell me you didn’t want to rewind The West Wing at least a couple of times to desperately try and catch that crucial two second snippet of conversation) by very well-credentialed talent. Yes, he wrote the not-very-political Sports Night (one of my personal favorites – I own every disc of the, uh, two seasons) and perhaps he hasn’t had the best of luck recently (the late departed Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip), but he’s also the mastermind behind The West Wing, The American President, and yes, A Few Good Men. The man knows his behind the scenes politics.

Big director

A four-time Oscar nominee and one-time winner (for The Graduate), Mike Nichols is certainly not a director to sneeze at. With Who’s Afraid of Virgina Woolf, Silkwood, Working Girl, The Birdcage, Primary Colors, Closer, and on TV, Angels in America and Wit, under his belt, Nichols has got both breadth and major credibility. Working Girl and Angels in America? The Birdcage and Closer? Not a director who’s afraid of trying out (and, of course, succeeding at) different genres.

REALLY. BIG. STARS.

Clearly, Mike Nichols and Aaron Sorkin have quite the rolodex (I wouldn’t mind seeing it, really…), or someone does, because the film has got a seriously heavy cast. The playboy congressman and the beautiful Houston socialite? Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts respectively. That’s right, the Gold Standards of likable, and bankable, Stars (capitalization intended) in the same movie. You can just see the “America’s sweetheart meets America’s everyman in this season’s top Oscar contender!” headlines now. (you know I had to insert that Oscar phrase back in there somewhere)

Throw in the great Philip Seymour Hoffman as the renegade CIA agent, as well as appearances by soon-to-be-crowned princess Amy Adams, Devil Wears Prada favorite Emily Blunt, Superman sidekick (remember Otis?) and Oscar winner Ned Beatty, and cult TV sweetheart Shiri Appleby (any Roswell fans?), and you’ve got one helluva talent pool.

And this is different from Lions for Lambs… how?

They’re both about Afghanistan and the politics of war, not to mention congressmen. They’ve both got major directors and a stratospherically A-list cast. And obviously, they’re both aiming for Oscar. The difference? Well, several things.

The screenwriters: up-and-coming newbie (and new blood is always a good thing!), Matthew Michael Carnahan, versus TV’s critical darling veteran, Sorkin. Essentially, we’re talking about the writer of A Few Good Men and The West Wing versus the writer of The Kingdom and Smokin’ Aces. The winner? You decide. And you can! Once both movies are out anyway.

And really, they’re just very different films. I mean, in the end, you know any trailer that asks “Do you want to win the war on terror? Yes or no?” has got some seriously high-falutin’ gravitas on hand, a definite “point to make.” And certainly nothing against gravitas (or Robert Redford, I swear!), but Charlie Wilson’s War simply has a bit of a different take on a war film, going the route of important, dramatic content mixed with, believe it or not, knowing, unpretentious humor. It almost seems to be a comedy, or at the very least a couple of entertaining (yet still educational!) hours at the theater. Lions for Lambs via Forrest Gump. Sort of.

In any case, perhaps War’s take on the genre will help it avoid the deadly political war film curse. Not to jinx it before it’s even been released or anything, of course. (knock on wood!)

Here’s the trailer:

Famous movie locations that aren’t Paris or New York

Does it sometimes seem as if every big city in the movies is New York and every romantic destination Paris? Well… they are. (Hmm, I’m not entirely sure that makes total grammatical sense, but ah well. You get the point, hopefully.) According to an article in The Observer, Paris and New York have achieved such “overlord” location status on the big screen that most filmgoers feel as if they’ve been there (at some point, haven’t we? or have I just seen National Lampoon’s European Vacation too many times?), even if that is unfortunately not always the case. On the other hand, though, movie Paris = no customs! Tough call, really.

However, New York and Paris don’t have all the big screen fun, and there are other locations, sometimes forgotten in the glow of the, ah, terrible two, that have achieved a sort of mythical status as well. They too have celluloid alter egos, or impressions of the city created from a jumble of film recollections and real world experiences. These locations certainly also deserve a place in the sun – for better or, perhaps more often than is admitted, for worse.

Here are a few of these alternative location stars:

Vienna

Well before they awkwardly greeted each other in Paris, Jesse and Celine memorably walked the streets of Vienna in Richard Linklater’s Before Sunrise, forever establishing Austria’s capital as the place for soulmate-at-first-site hopefuls. Hey, Ethan Hawke’s gotta sit down across from you on that train eventually, right? Vienna, and particularly its famous ferris wheel, the Reisenrad, was also featured in the Orson Welles noir classic, The Third Man, which takes place in Vienna right after World War II. You’ll never look down from the top of a ferris wheel in the same way again.

Another Vienna classic: Amadeus, about Mozart and Salieri.

Trivia: The battle fought at the beginning of the film Gladiator is mentioned as taking place at Vindobona, which is actually the early name for Vienna. It has, you know, expanded a bit since then.

For other films that take place in and around Vienna, check out this nice little review by Dustin Penn here.

The Australian Outback

From Rabbit-Proof Fence and The Dish, to Crocodile Dundee and the post-apocalyptic Mad Max, to my own mother’s obsessively favorite films A Town Like Alice and My Brilliant Career, Australia’s Outback seems to be a source of endless fascination for both filmmakers and filmgoers. What really goes on out there in all that space? We don’t really know, but it must be something mysterious and exciting and, of course, intriguingly rugged.

Trivia: Crocodile Dundee is the most successful Australian movie ever. I guess all I can say is… wow.

For an interesting look at the Outback’s connection to the horror movie genre, click here. Let’s just say it’s called “Things that go bump in the outback” – make of that what you will.

San Francisco

Sure, filmmakers have a bit of an unhealthy obsession with the New York skyline, but those sloping streets and red bridge towers have inspired their own impressive number of classic films and made San Francisco’s unique cityscape internationally admired. Really, the city has almost too many classic scenes. Scottie saving Madeleine from the waters below the Golden Gate Bridge in Vertigo. Dirty Harry finding evidence to a murder on the city’s rooftops in Dirty Harry. Benjamin Braddock driving across the Bay Bridge (the wrong way, but in any case) in The Graduate, a bridge that also appears in The Maltese Falcon. For a more contemporary scene, there’s Mia, who crashes her car into a trolley in The Princess Diaries. And, of course, not forgetting Steve McQueen’s very famous car chase through the city’s streets in Bullitt.

San Fran fun: And you thought San Francisco’s hills were just for exercise (and really frustrating bike rides), check out what else someone did with those gentle slopes.

For a more complete list of movies set in this California town, click here.

Tokyo

There’s just something so indescribably exotic about a city that is both very much like a city near you and at the same time entirely different. With its bright lights, bright colors, bright pop culture, and seemingly limitless supply of population (see trivia below), Tokyo appears to be the perfect setting in which to be both completely surrounded and entirely alone. It’s the city where Charlotte and Bob had a fleeting connection in Lost in Translation and where people struggle for survival in a post-apocalyptic future (Akira), but also where James Bond (You Only Live Twice) and his modern counterpart Austin Powers (in Goldmember) both encounter, you guessed it, sumo wrestling. And, uh, there’s that Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift movie as well – of course.

Trivia: Tokyo is the largest metropolitan area in the entire world. With well over 30 million people (for some perspective: the New York City metropolitan area has about 18 million – more than 10 million less), you can certainly understand how that would be.

Antarctica and the Arctic Circle

Okay, I can probably guess what you’re thinking right now: great, more penguins. (and, well, I have a huge picture of them right above this, so why wouldn’t you be?) But really, what you should be thinking is: action and horror. I don’t know if it’s the treacherous ice, low likelihood of survival, lengthy hours of darkness, or those polar bears (because you know they mean business), or all of the above, but the arctic ice is accumulating quite the impressive collection of action/horror films: The Transformers, 30 Days of Night (it’s in Alaska, but north of the Arctic Circle, so I’m gonna go ahead and count it), Alien vs. Predator, National Treasure, The Thing, The Thing from Another World, and Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (Siberia, close enough). And then, yes, not to forget of course Happy Feet, March of the Penguins, Arctic Tale, The Endurance, and Eight Below (and thus also Nankyoku Monogatari). Plus Insomnia (both versions).

Trivia: One of the original horror classics of literature actually began in the Arctic Circle – Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein.

Cairo

If you’re looking for exotic mystery in a film, Cairo seems to have it in spades. And how could it not? Considering its association with over three thousand years of ancient Egyptian civilization, Cairo is quite hard to beat as a movie location. Naturally, you’ve got your obligatory pseudo-Egyptian myth horror (The Mummy), other mythologically- inspired action (Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark), tourism (Death on the Nile), and just plain action (The Spy Who Loved Me). In other words, if you’re looking for an otherworldly adventure complete with historic mystique, celluloid Cairo is where you want to be.

Cairo fun: If you like what they did in that San Francisco video, see what happens when they take on the pyramids.

Transylvania

Well, you can’t say that film has been easy on poor, much maligned Transylvania. For many long years, Transylvania has had to suffer numerous indignities as the place inextricably intertwined with vampires and most anything gloomy and weird (that is somehow associated with darkness and rain, in any way at all). At least they pretty much know who to blame: Bram Stoker, who decided to have his Dracula live there (despite the fact that Dracula’s inspiration, Vlad the Impaler, actually ruled over nearby Walachia, which got off easy, all things considered). Transylvania, a region in Romania, is, I’m sure, a perfectly lovely area with many attractive medieval ruins, but sadly, this image was not meant to be. Instead, it’s the spooky, rainy, shadowy, depressing, crumbling, seriously weird, and, let’s just say it, eeeevil location of Nosferatu, Young Frankenstein (and Mary Shelley’s monster wasn’t even originally, um, “born” in Transylvania), Van Helsing, Dracula: Dead and Loving It, even The Rocky Horror Picture Show (technically).

What does the real Transylvania actually look like? Check out some Flickr photos here to see. And check out the official tourism office here.

Another location with quite unfortunate film credentials? Bratislava, the capital of Slovakia. Apart from its seriously depressing depiction in Euro Trip, it stars in, of all things, Hostel. I think that pretty much says it all.

And, of course… London

Not just the setting of one of my favorite comedy moments in film (Look kids! Big Ben! Parliament!), and thus also infernally frustrating roundabouts, London has been the setting of countless classics and, well, not-so-classics, as well as more than its fair share of apocalyptic/future films (28 Days Later, Children of Men, V for Vendetta), which is, needless to say… interesting. Although New York has faired no better, if we’re being honest (that poor Statue of Liberty, she’s been crushed by a tidal wave, destroyed by apes, buried in ice, animated by slime, used as a mutant-creating weapon and a mind wiping device, etc. etc.). The British capital, or rather, its buses, are also fantasy favorites (The Mummy Returns, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban). And naturally, you can’t have a timeless city without an endless number of romantic comedies (Notting Hill, Bridget Jones, Love Actually, The Holiday). In short, the big screen London has got something for everyone.