Monty Python and the Holy Grail

CART MASTER:  Bring out your dead! [clang] Bring out your dead!

CUSTOMER:  Here’s one.

CART MASTER:  Ninepence.

DEAD PERSON:  I’m not dead!


CUSTOMER:  Nothing.  Here’s your ninepence.

DEAD PERSON:  I’m not dead!

CART MASTER:  ‘Ere.  He says he’s not dead!

CUSTOMER:  Yes, he is.

DEAD PERSON:  I’m not!

CART MASTER:  He isn’t?

CUSTOMER:  Well, he will be soon.  He’s very ill.

DEAD PERSON:  I’m getting better!

CUSTOMER:  No, you’re not.  You’ll be stone dead in a moment.

CART MASTER:  Oh, I can’t take him like that.  It’s against regulations.

DEAD PERSON:  I don’t want to go on the cart!

CUSTOMER:  Oh, don’t be such a baby.

CART MASTER:  I can’t take him.

DEAD PERSON:  I feel fine!

CUSTOMER:  Well, do us a favour.

CART MASTER:  I can’t.

CUSTOMER:  Well, can you hang around a couple of minutes?  He won’t be long.

CART MASTER:  No, I’ve got to go to the Robinsons’.  They’ve lost nine today.

CUSTOMER:  Well, when’s your next round?

CART MASTER:  Thursday.

DEAD PERSON:  I think I’ll go for a walk.

CUSTOMER:  You’re not fooling anyone, you know.  Look.  Isn’t there something you can do?

DEAD PERSON:  [singing]  I feel happy.  I feel happy.   


CUSTOMER:  Ah, thanks very much.

Thanks to mwscomp.com for the script.


2 Responses to Quotes

  1. retro says:

    I just love the classics!

  2. […] Monty Python I’m not dead!… I’m getting better! Blue. No yel – aaaahhhhh! […]

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